“People are always shouting they want a better future. It’s not true. The future is an apathetic void of no interest to anyone. The past is full of life eager to irritate us, provoke us and insult us, tempt us to destroy or repaint it. The only reason people want to be masters of their future is to change the past.”
– Milan Kundera, “The Unbearable Lightness of Being”
Time – what an odd construct that keeps us all bungled up. Early on in my recovery, a gentleman by the name of Ralph F., (whom, consequently I was sure had more sober time than the Divine), used to share that, as an alcoholic in recovery, he couldn’t live in the two terrible eternities of yesterday and tomorrow. He pointed out that the past was full of ghosts – regrets, guilt & pain – and the future is filled with fear, the unknown.
Which brings me to the future. Now that we have embarked on another year, perhaps you are thinking of how you can start with a clean slate, tabula rasa. The rest of the world, it seems, is looking ahead, as well. We have hopes, perhaps resolutions, intentions of redoubling our efforts in the disciplines of recovery, and certainly with all that forward thought, there comes as part and parcel some apprehensions or fears.
But is this like any other year? Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you have no doubt heard many things about a particular date on the December page of your brand spanking new calendar. Could one day be so ominous? It may bring up cynicism, dread, twisted fascination, or nothing at all as you peer into the “apathetic void”.
I think of the 9th Step Promise that “we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.” Fortunately, for those of us working our program, we are attempting to live life, one day at a time, not looking back – unless, of course, we are doing inventory or amends - and not hurtling through space into the tomorrows without Divine guidance.
But, since we’re talking “time” and all, let’s look at some of the misconceptions people in the rooms often have about the concept of “One Day At A Time.”
I have met numerous folks in the various 12 Step Programs who so misunderstand this slogan's intent that they cannot commit to anything past a 24-hour period, using the familiar saying as their lame justification. Our literature tells us in the 11th Step discipline to “consider our plans for the day”, which, sort of implies that we should have made some plans to consider. When I receive these sort of replies to my invitations, I cock my head at them much like my dog does when I ask him to wash the dishes while I'm gone. I wonder how they get anything accomplished, adrift on the seas of circumstance and consequence.
It seems to me that living one day at a time refers to being fully present in your moment, not projecting into the future or obsessing about that which has not yet happened … and for good reason. If I allow myself to linger too long entertaining the many doomsday prophecies, possible polar shifts and other earth changes that may, or may not, occur on or around the Winter Solstice of this year (due to the end date of the Long Count Mayan calendar), I can really run with it. (Yes, I saw that movie, too). I have a choice today as to whether I will work myself up into a frothy frenzy over things for which I am absolutely powerless or … I can return to the peace and serenity inherent in the safety of today and stand centered in my unshakeable faith that my Higher Power has got this, no matter what! “We are constantly reminding ourselves we are no longer running the show” and que sera sera.
Once, when I was actually in Mexico, having just visited the Mayan ruins and weighing all the prophecies with my nightmarish fears, as I sat on the white wall along the Cozumel waterfront, this realization hit me.
God lives in the present. When I am “here”, in the moment at hand, I am not indulging in resentment (or any of its other cronies from yesterday), nor am I in anxiety, worrying over the infinite quantum mechanics possibilities. All of my sensory perceptions are alive and time ceases to be an issue in the here and now. I can see “time” for the illusion that it is, the depth and breadth of its smoke-and-mirror trick. I can acknowledge that the NOW is the only thing that is real.
This is why it is so important for me to leave room for God in my moment…why I reserve a space for miracles, even in my plans. And I do make plans. It's okay. I will not spontaneously combust or lose my sobriety. This 12 Step way of life has taught me to flex and cope.
Besides, I am a big fan of serendipity - the unexpected gift, or fortunate discoveries by accident.
And so regardless of whether or not the astounding astronimcal genius of the Mayans, the Hopi, the Hindus and their Kali Yuga have sealed our fate for the future, is out of my hands and I will live this day to the fullest.
