If you were like some of us, when we first came into the Program, we were less afraid of our own ultimate demise than the dreaded thought of how in the world we were going to Live Sober AND be happy! I always associated the word "sober" with "judge" from the old saying "sober as a judge" and I was none too fond of the magistrates. The newcomer is offered "the choices" - doomed to an alcoholic death or Spiritual way of life? But, but, isn’t there a Door # 3? (Drunks and junkies are always looking for a third option.)Maybe glancing at the 12 Steps on the wall, you thought that all that business was fine and dandy and some pretty lofty ideas, but you had real problems. Boy howdy, WAS your life unmanageable! You better believe it! How was all that spiritual stuff going to help you with these real life problems?
Like:
- getting out of trouble with the law
- putting your family back together or dealing with a divorce
- improving your living situation (or just getting a roof over your head)
- saving your career or getting a new one because you’d already burned all your bridges in the old one
- getting your car back, or get a car period, or worse, and even more humbling… getting a ride because there's no way in the world you can get a car
- gettting your license back after suspension or revocation
Funny thing is - it's the same answer to everything. There you have it! The cliff notes of sobriety!
On page 13 in the Big Book, co-founder Bill W. tells us that when the message was carried to him, Mr. Thatcher promised that when these things (the 12 Steps) were done, "I would enter upon a new relationship with my Creator; that I would have the elements of a way of living which answered ALL my problems." Thus it is also referred to in the book as "a design for living that works in rough going." (Page 15, Big Book)
So, not only can we live sober, but become happily and usefully whole, as it is referenced in the introduction to the book, "12 Steps and 12 Traditions."
First of all, obviously, we have to really get sober with the step-by-step instructions of the program as outlined by the hard-won experience of our founders and early members.
Maybe for you, getting sober was not nearly as big a deal as staying sober. The record shows that the best prescription for the chronic alcoholic is the constant practice of A.A.’s principles and the continuation of the proven process with the aim to get us back into the mainstream of life, not forgetting where we came from and carrying the message of hope and recovery to others. Even those of us with time can get out of whack if we aren’t diligent in the process.
All 12 Steps are designed to get us “Right-sized” with God and our fellows, deflating the Ego basically. Read the following passages on Humility – (12 x 12 - pg 58 & 75)
- “To those who have made progress in A.A., it (humility) amounts to a clear recognition of what and who we are followed by a sincere attempt to become what we can be."
- “In every case, pain had been the price of admission into a new life…It brought a measure of humility, which we soon discovered to be a healer of pain. We began to fear pain less, and desire humility more than ever.”
- Dr. Harry Tiebout, friend of early AA wrote about the tenacity of the Big “I” and the resurgence of the Ego and how the Ego/Spiritual Malady is constantly rebuilding EVEN when we are making spiritual progress. Of course, there are the dangers of complacency we should beware of. On, page 85 in the Big Book it warns about resting on our past accomplishments.
Ask yourself these questions when you are in danger of your rear end overriding your mouth:
- Does it need to be said?
- Does it need to be said now?
- Does it need to be said by me?
Practice “Love and Tolerance of Others is our Code.”
A code is a way of life.
“Most of us sense that real tolerance of other people’s shortcomings and view points, and a respect for their opinions are attitudes which make us more useful to others.”
The Growth Steps of 10 & 11
Daily Disciplines - Getting and Staying Fit
“Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us.” (pg 76 in the Big Book)
How we stay spiritually fit is eloquently and precisely described on pages 86 - 88 in the Big Book as our Directions for Daily Living.
The symbol used by A.A. for years, before being removed from our Text, was the Triangle within the Circle. Ancient priests also used this same symbol to ward off evil spirits - oh, those drunks. Such a sense of humor.
But if you see each of the legs of this triangle as if they were a stool, they should be balanced.
Unity, Service and Recovery
Recovery
Working the 12 Steps and Living the Principles, The 10th Step Promises come true.
Service
Giving of your time – whether that be holding a position in the Service Structure, volunteering on a committee for conventions or roundups, being on the contact list for 12 step calls at your local Central Office, working at the Central office answering phones, putting out newsletters, serving your home group, speaking, doing workshops, working with others.
“For if an alcoholics fails to perfect and enlarge their spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead." (page 14, Big Book)
Unity
Supporting the Fellowship by attending meetings and events and spending time with other recovered alcoholics.
If any of these gets out of balance and stays out of balance for a period of time, it can topple the 3-legged stool! For instance, if you:
- Hang out in the Fellowship but do not work the steps or do any service work.
- Hide out in the step work (never interact with others in the program, stay inside your own head)
- Never do service work.
- Never really communicate with anyone except maybe your sponsor.
- Get wrapped-up in, or over-committed in service work, and wind up not working your own program.
Balance and the Challenge of Time Management
“We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs.” (pg 19, Big Book)
Here's a fun, eye-opening exercise! Make yourself a pie chart and see what percentage of your life each of the following areas takes up currently and then another pie chart for what you would actually like it to look like. Whatever you do, please enjoy the pie!
- Recovery (Meetings, Step work, Service Commitments, Sponsorship, Workshops, Retreats, Daily Inventory, Payer and Meditation,Conventions, Speaking, Carrying the Message)
- Health & Fitness (Mental & Physical, Sleep, Exercise, Sports, Nutrition, Doctors)
- Home and Family (Caretaking of Children or the Elderly, Cleaning, Chores, Pets, Appointments)
- Career (Time Spent at Work, Doing Work from Home, Preparing for Career, Education)
- Church and/or Spiritual Community (Religious, Non-12 Step related)
- Social Integration (Vacations, Entertainment, Dating, Parties, Special Events or Gatherings)
Applying Anonymity and Other Traditions
Relationships
All 12 traditions can apply in your personal relationships - try it!
In the Workplace
Practice principles. Practice love and tolerance with "normal nuts." All human beings have spiritual malady. We alcoholics just happen to die of it more often and in greater numbers, and with much more drama and tragedy. Read page 92 in the 12 X 12 - Second full paragraph to middle of page 93)
- "Finally we begin to see that all people, including ourselves, as to some extent emotionally ill as well as frequently wrong..."
- "Courtesy, kindness, justice and love are the keynotes by which we may come into harmony with practically anybody."
Be careful with Facebook when tagging pictures and comments related directly to one of the Fellowships, and blogs, etc. Respect other alcoholics' anonymity!
Social Settings
The bottom of page 100 states that if we are spiritually fit, we can go anywhere. We are free today.
By the way, "triggers" will not make me drink. The only thing I will ever drink over is untreated alcoholism or untreated spiritual malady.
"To Go or Not to Go" - That is the Question
From the Greenland Ice Cap to the Plain Ordinary Whoopie Party, we can go or stay away, according to our text, but if you have answered the question about your Higher Power being everything or nothing, then you have your answer. When I was in radio, I worked in bars and at the height of Mardi Gras. I did not get drunk. I have helped friends look for stolen vehicles in the hood. I have been to the gathering of the Scottish Clans Highland games and had flasks of good scotch thrust at me. I have a full life and it is irrelevant if alcohol is around me or not. But if I am uncomfortable at the thought (or in the moment at the event), I may still have reservations or lurking notions. In this case, it would serve me better to meet with another alcoholic and work on my program, instead of going to the party or event where drinking will abound.
Addressing Other Issues that Arise
- Codependency
- Other Addictions – like gambling, sex or food
- Seeking professional help or additional counseling
- Medications
- Abuse or Trauma
"But this does not mean we disregard human health measures. God has abundantly supplied this world with fine doctors, psychologists, and practitioners of various kinds. Do not hesitate to take your health problems to such persons. Their services are often indispensable in treating a newcomer and in following his case afterward." Big Book - Page 133
The “Secret” to a Full Happy Life in Sobriety
A.A. is NOT a selfish program! Yes, we have to put recovery first or there may be no home, family or career. But we must give back if we intend to keep what was freely given to us.
Some alcoholics are particularly guilty of getting the great spouse, the new job, children and forget where they came from or just get too busy to attend A.A or sponsor people.
Carrying the Message IS the “secret” ingredient that allows us to live fully and joyfully.
"Like a gaunt prospector, belt drawn in over the last ounce of food, our pick struck gold. Joy at our release from a lifetime of frustration knew no bounds. For a time (we) may try to hug the treasure to ourselves. (We) may not see that we have barely scratched a limitless lode which will pay dividends only if (we) mine it for the rest of (our) lives and insist on giving away the entire product."
(Page 128 – 129 in the Big Book)
Faith without Works is Dead!
“Our very live as ex-problem drinkers depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs.” (page 20, Big Book)
“It was also indicated that strenuous work, one alcoholic with another was vital to permanent recovery.” (forward to the second edition)
Here is what Living Sober looks like if you have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. These are the 12th Step Promises found on page 89 in our text, Alcoholics Anonymous:
"Life will take on new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a Fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends - this is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss is. Frequent contact with newcomers is the bright spot of our lives."
