Living in Sobriety

If you were like some of us, when we first came into the Program, we were less afraid of our own ultimate demise than the dreaded thought of how in the world we were going to Live Sober AND be happy!  I always associated the word "sober" with "judge" from the old saying "sober as a judge" and I was none too fond of the magistrates.  The newcomer is offered "the choices" - doomed to an alcoholic death or Spiritual way of life?  But, but, isn’t there a Door # 3?  (Drunks and junkies are always looking for a third option.)

Maybe glancing at the 12 Steps on the wall, you thought that all that business was fine and dandy and some pretty lofty ideas, but you had real problems.  Boy howdy, WAS your life unmanageable!  You better believe it!  How was all that spiritual stuff going to help you with these real life problems?

Like:

• getting out of trouble with the law
• putting your family back together or dealing with a divorce
• improving your living situation (or just getting a roof over your head)
• saving your career or getting a new one because you’d already burned all your bridges in the old one
• getting your car back, or get a car period, or worse, and even more humbling… getting a ride because there's no way in the world you can get a car
• gettting your license back after suspension or revocation

Sometimes these very real life issues, simple things that, we who have been sober a while, take for granted, but they just seem insurmountable to the newcomer.

Funny thing is - it's the same answer to everything.  There you have it!  The cliff notes of sobriety!

On page 13 in the Big Book, co-founder Bill W. tells us that when the message was carried to him, Mr. Thatcher promised that when these things (the 12 Steps) were done, "I would enter upon a new relationship with my Creator; that I would have the elements of a way of living which answered ALL my problems."  Thus it is also referred to in the book as "a design for living that works in rough going." (Page 15, Big Book)

So, not only can we live sober, but become happily and usefully whole, as it is referenced in the introduction to the  book, "12 Steps and 12 Traditions."

First of all, obviously, we have to really get sober with the step-by-step instructions of the program as outlined by the hard-won experience of our founders and early members.

Maybe for you, getting sober was not nearly as big a deal as staying sober.  The record shows that the best prescription for the chronic alcoholic is the constant practice of  A.A.’s principles and the continuation of the proven process with the aim to get us back into the mainstream of life, not forgetting where we came from and carrying the message of hope and recovery to others.  Even those of us with time can get out of whack if we aren’t diligent in the process.

Humility as a Way of life: Continue, Continue

All 12 Steps are designed to get us “Right-sized” with God and our fellows, deflating the Ego basically.  Read the following passages on Humility – (12 x 12 - pg 58 & 75) 

• “To those who have made progress in A.A., it (humility) amounts  to a clear recognition of what   and who we are followed by a sincere attempt to become what we can be."
• “In every case, pain had been the price of admission into a new life…It brought a measure of humility, which we soon discovered to be a healer of pain. We began to fear pain less, and desire humility more than ever.”                                                                                                    
• Dr. Harry Tiebout, friend of early AA wrote about the tenacity of the Big “I” and the resurgence of the Ego and how the Ego/Spiritual Malady is constantly rebuilding EVEN when we are making spiritual progress. Of course, there are the dangers of complacency we should beware of. On, page 85 in the Big Book it warns about resting on our past accomplishments.

Exercise The Power of the Pause

Ask yourself these questions when you are in danger of your rear end overriding your mouth:

• Does it need to be said?
• Does it need to be said now?
• Does it need to be said by me?

Practice “Love and Tolerance of Others is our Code.”

A code is a way of life.

“Most of us sense that real tolerance of other people’s shortcomings and view points, and a respect for their opinions are attitudes which make us more useful to others.”

The Growth Steps of 10 & 11

Daily Disciplines - Getting and Staying Fit

“Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us.”  (pg 76 in the Big Book)

How we stay spiritually fit is eloquently and precisely described on pages 86 - 88 in the Big Book as our Directions for Daily Living.

Living In All 3 Sides of the Triangle

The symbol used by A.A. for years, before being removed from our Text, was the Triangle within the Circle.  Ancient priests also used this same symbol to ward off evil spirits - oh, those drunks.  Such a sense of humor.

But if you see each of the legs of this triangle as if they were a stool, they should be balanced.


Unity, Service and Recovery

Recovery
Working the 12 Steps and Living the Principles, The 10th Step Promises come true.

Service
Giving of your time – whether that be holding a position in the Service Structure, volunteering on a committee for conventions or roundups, being on the contact list for 12 step calls at your local Central Office, working at the Central office answering phones, putting out newsletters, serving your home group, speaking, doing workshops, working with others.

“For if an alcoholics fails to perfect and enlarge their spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead."  (page 14, Big Book)

Unity
Supporting the Fellowship by attending meetings and events and spending time with other recovered alcoholics.

If any of these gets out of balance and stays out of balance for a period of time, it can topple the 3-legged stool!  For instance, if you:

• Hang out in the Fellowship but do not work the steps or do any service work.
• Hide out in the step work (never interact with others in the program, stay inside your own head)
• Never do service work.
• Never really communicate with anyone except maybe your sponsor.
• Get wrapped-up in, or over-committed in service work, and wind up not working your own program.

That last one can really be subtle and lead to delusion or ego.  Example: One day in my accountability check with my sponsor, she pointed out that I was serving on every level – from the home group, to intergroup, district, the Jamboree and area.  Between that and sponsoring several women and doing my own workshops, I had no time for anything else.

Balance and the Challenge of Time Management

“We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs.” (pg 19, Big Book)

Here's a fun, eye-opening exercise!  Make yourself a pie chart and see what percentage of your life each of the following areas takes up currently and then another pie chart for what you would actually like it to look like.  Whatever you do, please enjoy the pie!

• Recovery (Meetings, Step work, Service Commitments, Sponsorship, Workshops, Retreats, Daily Inventory, Payer and Meditation,Conventions, Speaking, Carrying the Message)
• Health & Fitness (Mental & Physical, Sleep, Exercise,  Sports, Nutrition, Doctors)
• Home and Family (Caretaking of Children or the Elderly, Cleaning, Chores, Pets, Appointments)
• Career (Time Spent at Work, Doing Work from Home, Preparing for Career, Education)
• Church and/or Spiritual Community (Religious, Non-12 Step related)
• Social Integration (Vacations, Entertainment, Dating, Parties, Special Events or Gatherings)

For example:

Applying Anonymity and Other Traditions

Relationships
All 12 traditions can apply in your personal relationships - try it!

In the Workplace
Practice principles.  Practice love and tolerance with "normal nuts."  All human beings have spiritual malady.  We alcoholics just happen to die of it more often and in greater numbers, and with much more drama and tragedy.  Read page 92 in the 12 X 12 - Second full paragraph to middle of page 93)

• "Finally we begin to see that all people, including ourselves, as to some extent emotionally ill as well as frequently wrong..." 
• "Courtesy, kindness, justice and love are the keynotes by which we may come into harmony with practically anybody."

Social Media
Be careful with Facebook when tagging pictures and comments related directly to one of the Fellowships, and blogs, etc.  Respect other alcoholics' anonymity!

Social Settings
The bottom of page 100 states that if we are spiritually fit, we can go anywhere.  We are free today.

By the way, "triggers" will not make me drink.  The only thing I will ever drink over is untreated alcoholism or untreated spiritual malady.

"To Go or Not to Go" - That is the Question
From the Greenland Ice Cap to the Plain Ordinary Whoopie Party, we can go or stay away, according to our text, but if you have answered the question about your Higher Power being everything or nothing, then you have your answer.  When I was in radio, I worked in bars and at the height of Mardi Gras.  I did not get drunk.  I have helped friends look for stolen vehicles in the hood.  I have been to the gathering of the Scottish Clans Highland games and had flasks of good scotch thrust at me.  I have a full life and it is irrelevant if alcohol is around me or not.  But if I am uncomfortable at the thought (or in the moment at the event), I may still have reservations or lurking notions.  In this case, it would serve me better to meet with another alcoholic and work on my program, instead of going to the party or event where drinking will abound.

Addressing Other Issues that Arise

• Codependency
• Other Addictions – like gambling, sex or food
• Seeking professional help or additional counseling
• Medications
• Abuse or Trauma 

We are encouraged by the first hundred men and women to seek outside assistance, if necessary.  Not only are there "many helpful books", there are many helpful professionals in healing fields.

"But this does not mean we disregard human health measures. God has abundantly supplied this world with fine doctors, psychologists, and practitioners of various kinds.  Do not hesitate to take your health problems to such persons.  Their services are often indispensable in treating a newcomer and in following his case afterward."  Big Book - Page 133

The “Secret” to a Full Happy Life in Sobriety

A.A. is NOT a selfish program!  Yes, we have to put recovery first or there may be no home, family or career.  But we must give back if we intend to keep what was freely given to us.

Some alcoholics are particularly guilty of getting the great spouse, the new job, children and forget where they came from or just get too busy to attend A.A or sponsor people.

Carrying the Message IS the “secret” ingredient that allows us to live fully and joyfully.

"Like a gaunt prospector, belt drawn in over the last ounce of food, our pick struck gold. Joy at our release from a lifetime of frustration knew no bounds. For a time (we) may try to hug the treasure to ourselves. (We) may not see that we have barely scratched a limitless lode which will pay dividends only if (we) mine it for the rest of (our) lives and insist on giving away the entire product." 
(Page 128 – 129 in the Big Book)

Faith without Works is Dead!

“Our very live as ex-problem drinkers depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs.” (page 20, Big Book)

“It was also indicated that strenuous work, one alcoholic with another was vital to permanent recovery.”   (forward to the second edition)

Here is what Living Sober looks like if you have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.  These are the 12th Step Promises found on page 89 in our text, Alcoholics Anonymous:

"Life will take on new meaning.  To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a Fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends - this is an experience you must not miss.  We know you will not want to miss is.  Frequent contact with newcomers is the bright spot of our lives."

On The Firing Line

This Memorial Day,  it was difficult to avoid reflecting on war. As we honor the brave soldiers who have died fighting for a cause and/or fighting for survival, I think I might understand, albeit in very limited capacity, what it must be like – watching your fellows fall beside you against an unrelenting enemy.

To those of us with the disease of alcoholism and addiction, we are indeed in our own kind of war, fighting for our survival and the survival of others so afflicted. Our text, the Big Book, suggests that “our job is to keep on the firing line and God will keep us unharmed.” (page 100). I try to stay in the trenches in this recovery effort and diligently carry the message to others and still so many do not make it. Though I have seen hundreds recover and live happily and become usefully whole, I  also wonder at times if I am only there at the front line as a spiritual medic, to carry away the wounded.

It was particularly poignant this weekend as I went on a 12 step call with another friend in the program to see a woman I had been working with that had relapsed. We spoke with the family for 2 hours before we had an opportunity to speak with her. We played with her young children and tried to empathize and comfort  her parents as best we could. This family had already lost one child to addiction and the surviving siblings both have the disease, with one successfully in recovery. The ravaging of this disease on loved ones was glaringly apparent and humbling. Everyone was stretched to their limit and losing hope; none the least of which was my friend herself.

She had only a glimmer of hope but admitted she was too terrified to trust and had some reservations. Driven by (at least) a hundred forms of fear, she expressed she had been trying to end it all. So many of us have been there at that jumping off place – where we can’t live with it and we can’t imagine life without it. The powerlessness can be overwhelming. At the end of our afternoon with her, she agreed she would re-double her efforts at the recovery program but within 24 hours I was notified she was in ICU due to an overdose.

We are 100% hopeless apart from Divine help and our cases are too heartbreaking, as one doctor was quoted in the Big Book. That is really the truth. Sometimes, we lose the battle. As recovered alcoholics, however, we have to continue in the war and continue to treat the wounded. We have a purpose, we have a duty and a calling to carry the message to ALL those still suffering, including the family members who request our services, but in the last analysis, when an alcoholic has placed themselves beyond human aid, there is the elusive spiritual ingredient of hope, a spark of willingness to live that must come from a Power greater than ourselves. God could and would if sought.

We are allowed to match calamity with serenity to the extent that we play the role which has been assigned us by our Higher Power. The age of miracles is still with us. I see the proof of it every day. I refuse to give up hope, but it is also so true that faith without works is dead.

Faith has to live in and through us 24 hours a day, according to Bill at the end of his story. And though we cannot give another faith, we are responsible for planting a seed of Light, for showing those who still suffer a rainbow.

Pass It On, Brother

I often wonder what my life would have been like had I never been offered hope from a recovering alcoholic. In fact, when I have the occasional “drunk dream”, I wake up grateful and shudder to think that in a parallel universe, I might still be living in the nightmare that was my disease of addiction.

Because of our primary purpose to stay sober/clean and help other alcoholics/ addicts to achieve sobriety, millions of lives have been saved from destruction. Even more families, friends, employers and communities have benefited because the lives of their loved ones do this 180 degree turn. This kind of synergy is unparalleled.

The irony of it all is that Bill W., in order to save himself from falling off the precipice into yet another possibly deadly relapse, went to great lengths to seek out another drunk to talk to and offer hope and a solution to their drinking problem. Something most miraculous happened in that Akron, Ohio hotel lobby in 1935 that compelled Bill to start the chain reaction with Dr. Bob in what may be one of the most significant moments in the spiritual evolution of humankind.

They say in order to keep what was freely given to us, we must give it away. Carrying the message is not a chore – it is, as the book states, the JOY of living. One of the 12^th Step promises says that ‘frequent contact with newcomers is the bright spot of our lives.”  And it really is for this alcoholic.

My next blog entry will be about ALL the Promises in the Big Book, not just the 9^th Step Promises you hear at most meetings. Many people think it absurd that all these things can happen to a person when they follow a few simple suggestions called the Twelve Steps. But there is so much evidence and testimony to its truth.

These are just some of the 12^th Step Promises. And there are even more!

You can help when no one else can.

 You can secure their confidence when others fail.

 Life will take on new meaning.

You will make lifelong friends.

Watch a Fellowship grow up about you.

You will know what it means to give of yourself that others may survive and rediscover life.

You will learn the full meaning of “Love thy neighbor as thyself”.

The age of miracles is still with us. Our own recovery proves that.

When we look back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God's hands were better than anything we could have planned. 

 Follow the dictates of a Higher Power and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world, no matter what your present circumstances!

 Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do.

 God will keep you unharmed.

God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order.

Great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact  for us.

This is the gravy. But there are so many reasons an alcoholic who has had their spiritual awakening MUST carry the message.

First of all when someone discovers something amazing that enriches their life, whether it’s the latest electronic gadget, the newest diet or a great sale at the local store, they are compelled to share it with the people around them. When one finds freedom and joy and a design for living that really works, they cannot help but desire to pass that on. Indeed, you almost have to because you feel so passionately about it.

And then there’s the matter of it being vital (which means life-giving) if we are to continue enjoying that freedom.

Call it a secret ingredient? Who knows why, but it does work and it is absolutely necessary, I have found if I want to live happily and usefully whole as the introduction to the 12 x 12 states. Below are just some of the reasons WHY we carry the message  .

1)    Helping others is the foundation stone of recovery

2)    Nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics

3)    Our very lives as ex-problem drinkers (or dope fiends) depends upon my constant thought of others and how I may help meet their needs.

4)    A kindly act once in a while is not enough, you have to act the good Samaritan everyday if need be

5)    Strenuous work, one alcoholic with another, is VITAL to permanent recovery.

6)    If an alcoholic fails to perfect & enlarge their spiritual life through work and self sacrifice for others, they could not survive the certain trials & low spots ahead. If they do not work, they would surely drink again and if they drank, they will surely die, then faith would dead indeed.”

7)    The Rx for Sex - “If sex is particularly troublesome , we throw ourselves the harder into working with others!”

8)    Addresses the spiritual malady manifested in the bedevilments –where we feel we couldn’t be of much use to other people, feelings of uselessness and self-pity– no matter how far down the scale we have gone becomes experience that can actually can benefit others. Now our suffering was not all for naught.

9)    Our past is the Clavis Aurea – the Golden Key – to help avert  death and misery for others.

Dr. Bob wrote in his story that helping other alcoholics who “want it and need it badly” was his way of showing gratitude, that  it (was) a pleasure , and his sense of duty in addition to a little more insurance against a slip.

Dr. Bob helped literally thousands of drunks in finding recovery during his lifetime and all because Bill made a phone call, because Bill wanted to stay sober.

Now that’s passing it on!  

The Keynotes of Harmony

“He who lives in harmony with himself lives in harmony with the universe " ~ Marcus Aurelius

“This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.”   ~ The Dalai Lama

It still baffles me how on some days I can exhibit kindness, consideration, friendliness and an overall good will attitude for everyone be it my family and neighbors or the stranger in line and even the person trying to enter my lane of traffic. And other days, I am a sheer ogre. I would love to blame the latter on poor planetary influences, my hormonal conditions and especially, “them”, but whatever the reason, I used to be baffled as to why I seemed unable to maintain harmony, peace and serenity on an everyday basis. "I had it for the few moments I allowed myself to meditate! I had it here and there, like a lightning bug flickering off and on."

It is no longer a mystery, however, as, over the years, I have come to understand that when I am at peace with myself, practicing the daily disciplines on a regular basis, it is much easier for me to catch when Self is trying to reassert itself. My awareness is acute of my blind egocentricity and my total  inability to control my insatiable need to control.  Yep, I am powerless over my lack of Power ... ergo, ongoing power struggle. Add in the fact that I frequently forget the Power of the Pause as mentioned on the bottom of page 87 in the Big Book.

One of my favorite readings in AA literature comes from the 12 x 12. My sponsor had me read it every day for awhile and I practically had it memorized. It was a humbling passage because it was so true. It is on page 92.

“Finally, we begin to see that all people, including ourselves, are to some extent emotionally ill, as well as frequently wrong, and then we approach true tolerance and see what real love for our fellows actually means.”

It goes on to cite some amazingly accurate examples of how we interact with others and our attitudes towards them, finally concluding with this amazing summation:  

“Courtesy, kindness, justice, and love are the keynotes by which we may come into harmony with practically anybody. “

Now, why didn’t I think of that?  

If my “only aim is to be helpful”, if love and service are vital for enlarging my spiritual life, it is rather hard for me to assist anyone if I am busy being judge and jury on them or waving my scepter around as Empress of the Universe. In my attempts to play the Director, when my role is really Actor (someone who takes direction from the one running the Show), I suffer from a strange amnesia that I myself would like to be treated with those key notes as mentioned above. Maybe it sounds all Golden Rule -elementary, but if you think about it, really isn’t that why the "rule" has such a title? It is Gold because of its invaluable merit?

Also, working off the theory that when I am under self-propulsion and whole-heartedly invested in things working out the way “I” envision them, then I am bound to come into collision with others also operating under their own self-propulsion.

So how do I possess these mysterious "keys to harmony"? I have found that I am in a much better position to practice courtesy, kindness, justice and love when I :

A)  Remember where I came from

B)   Am coming from a place of gratitude and humility

C)   Not obsessed with self-importance or self-pity  

D)  Cleared of selfish attitudes and egocentric thinking
E)   Utilizing all the principles embodied in the transformational process of our Steps

My friend, Brad B. shared in a meeting once that practicing Steps 10 and 11  IS  actually taking Steps 6 & 7 every day. It was one of those "I could have had a V-8" moments. I love epiphanies!
Having my character defects that stand in the way of my usefulness to you (or “them”) removed is essential in order for me to be of any use or good to anyone at all. It is my key to the keynotes! 
What a beautiful harmony Realization and Perspective create! When I recognize who I am and where I belong and how I can carry the vision of my Higher Power’s will into all of my activities, I grasp how crucial they are if I desire to be kind.

The Dalai Lama is right, I believe. I don’t need a temple to practice a "religion" of kindness. The World is a temple and my heart and mind cleared of wrong thinking and wrong motives can serve others who are stumbling (hopefully forward) just as I am. If I am doing the best I can do today, then maybe they are, too.

I will end with this one last quote from the Twelve & Twelve in the discussion of the 11^th Step.

“The moment we catch even a glimpse of God's will, the moment we begin to see truth, justice, and love as the real and eternal things in life, we are no longer deeply disturbed by all the seeming evidence to the contrary that surrounds us in purely human affairs. “

Have a nice day!

Feelin’ the Love

"Then you will know what it means to give of yourself that others may survive and rediscover life. You will learn the full meaning of "Love thy neighbor as thyself."

Pg.153, Alcoholics Anonymous a.k.a. “The Big Book”

As Valentine’s Day approaches and love is the “hot” topic of discussion, I am reflecting on love and what does it all mean. People say “I love you” to one another all the time in meetings and outsiders may look at us askance at times. Of course, love is the absinthe of poets and romantics, and for those of us in recovery, can sometimes be Chapter One in a debacle of epic proportions. I mean who hasn’t heard a drunk launch into drama that begins with “See, there’s this girl (or guy)…” .

I am really wanting to look a little closer, however, at the different types of love, according to the distinctions of the Ancient Greeks which inspired author, C.S. Lewis, who wrote “The Four Loves”. Of course, Lewis was a much better writer than me, to say the least. So here they are:

• Storge refers to natural affection, like that felt by parents for offspring. This type refers almost exclusively to relationships within the family. It is also known to express mere acceptance or putting up with situations, much like our code in recovery of “Love and tolerance” for others.

• Philia means friendship or affectionate love. Developed by the philosopher, Aristotle, this concept includes loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality and familiarity. In ancient texts, philos denoted a general type of love, used for love between family, between friends, a desire or enjoyment of an activity, as well as, between lovers.

• Éros is passionate love, with sensual desire and longing. The word "erotas" means "intimate love;" however, eros does not have to be sexual in nature. Eros can be interpreted as a love for someone whom you love more than the philia, love of friendship. It can also apply to dating relationships as well as marriage. Plato refined his own definition: Although eros is initially felt for a person, with contemplation it becomes an appreciation of the beauty within that person, or even becomes appreciation of beauty itself. Plato does not talk of physical attraction as a necessary part of love, hence the use of the word platonic to mean, "without physical attraction." Another philosopher, Socrates stated that eros helps the soul recall knowledge of beauty, and contributes to an understanding of spiritual truth but that even sensually-based love aspires to the non-corporeal, spiritual plane of existence; that is, finding its truth, just like finding any truth, leads to transcendence.

• Agápe means unconditional love, as in general affection or deeper sense of "true love" rather than the attraction suggested by "eros". It can also be described as the feeling of being content or holding one in high regard. Agape was appropriated by Christians for use to express the self-sacrificing, unconditional love of God. Before agape love, there was no other word to express such great love.

The connection between love, in whatever form, and a higher plane of existence, or spiritual energy, is irrefutable.

Often you hear in the Fellowship the term, “Love and Service” used, which was the mantra of our co-founder, Dr. Bob. Robert Holbrook Smith, M.D. was a shining paragon of agape love, personally treating more than 5,000 alcoholics in his lifetime at St. Thomas Hospital in Akron. Our other co-founder of AA, Bill W., said that Dr. Bob’s “spiritual example was a powerful influence, and he never charged a cent for his medical care. So Dr. Bob became ‘the prince of all twelfth steppers.’ Perhaps nobody will ever do such a job again.”

Love is a verb, an action word, especially for those of us in recovery who depend upon love’s magic to survive. On page 14, in Bill’s story, he wrote that “Faith without works is dead. For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, (we) may not be able to meet the trials and low spots ahead. “

You so often encounter the erroneous and misconstrued slogan in meetings that this is a “selfish program”, when quite the contrary, it is anything but. Selfishness is the root of our troubles. Altruism is simply the lifeblood of, not only an integral part of the solution for the self-obsessed addict or alcoholic, but the basis for the continuance of the Fellowship. Our primary purpose - to stay sober and help other alcoholics achieve sobriety. Not for Ego, but because we are paying back in gratitude for the love and ready-acceptance shown to us and paying forward at the same time.

I am humbled when I read the many 12 Step Promises in our book including the fact that I have recovered and been given the power to help others. That according to page 124, “ the dark past is the greatest possession you have - they key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them.”

This is the kind of love that heals. It doesn’t seek something for itself, yet ironically, we receive from the giving. I see a sticker on many of my friends Big Books that uses the play on words of an allusion to tennis, but it is so true in our case – “Love wins.”

Everybody wins when we choose to love with our spirit, as unconditionally as is humanly possible.
It is the essence of the heart.

Tick Tock, 2012

“People are always shouting they want a better future. It’s not true. The future is an apathetic void of no interest to anyone. The past is full of life eager to irritate us, provoke us and insult us, tempt us to destroy or repaint it. The only reason people want to be masters of their future is to change the past.”
– Milan Kundera, “The Unbearable Lightness of Being”

Time – what an odd construct that keeps us all bungled up. Early on in my recovery, a gentleman by the name of Ralph F., (whom, consequently I was sure had more sober time than the Divine), used to share that, as an alcoholic in recovery, he couldn’t live in the two terrible eternities of yesterday and tomorrow. He pointed out that the past was full of ghosts – regrets, guilt & pain – and the future is filled with fear, the unknown.
Which brings me to the future. Now that we have embarked on another year, perhaps you are thinking of how you can start with a clean slate, tabula rasa. The rest of the world, it seems, is looking ahead, as well. We have hopes, perhaps resolutions, intentions of redoubling our efforts in the disciplines of recovery, and certainly with all that forward thought, there comes as part and parcel some apprehensions or fears.

But is this like any other year? Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you have no doubt heard many things about a particular date on the December page of your brand spanking new calendar. Could one day be so ominous? It may bring up cynicism, dread, twisted fascination, or nothing at all as you peer into the “apathetic void”.

I think of the 9th Step Promise that “we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.” Fortunately, for those of us working our program, we are attempting to live life, one day at a time, not looking back – unless, of course, we are doing inventory or amends - and not hurtling through space into the tomorrows without Divine guidance.

But, since we’re talking “time” and all, let’s look at some of the misconceptions people in the rooms often have about the concept of “One Day At A Time.”
I have met numerous folks in the various 12 Step Programs who so misunderstand this slogan's intent that they cannot commit to anything past a 24-hour period, using the familiar saying as their lame justification. Our literature tells us in the 11th Step discipline to “consider our plans for the day”, which, sort of implies that we should have made some plans to consider. When I receive these sort of replies to my invitations, I cock my head at them much like my dog does when I ask him to wash the dishes while I'm gone. I wonder how they get anything accomplished, adrift on the seas of circumstance and consequence.

It seems to me that living one day at a time refers to being fully present in your moment, not projecting into the future or obsessing about that which has not yet happened … and for good reason. If I allow myself to linger too long entertaining the many doomsday prophecies, possible polar shifts and other earth changes that may, or may not, occur on or around the Winter Solstice of this year (due to the end date of the Long Count Mayan calendar), I can really run with it. (Yes, I saw that movie, too). I have a choice today as to whether I will work myself up into a frothy frenzy over things for which I am absolutely powerless or … I can return to the peace and serenity inherent in the safety of today and stand centered in my unshakeable faith that my Higher Power has got this, no matter what! “We are constantly reminding ourselves we are no longer running the show” and que sera sera.

Once, when I was actually in Mexico, having just visited the Mayan ruins and weighing all the prophecies with my nightmarish fears, as I sat on the white wall along the Cozumel waterfront, this realization hit me.

God lives in the present. When I am “here”, in the moment at hand, I am not indulging in resentment (or any of its other cronies from yesterday), nor am I in anxiety, worrying over the infinite quantum mechanics possibilities. All of my sensory perceptions are alive and time ceases to be an issue in the here and now. I can see “time” for the illusion that it is, the depth and breadth of its smoke-and-mirror trick. I can acknowledge that the NOW is the only thing that is real.

This is why it is so important for me to leave room for God in my moment…why I reserve a space for miracles, even in my plans. And I do make plans. It's okay. I will not spontaneously combust or lose my sobriety. This 12 Step way of life has taught me to flex and cope.
Besides, I am a big fan of serendipity - the unexpected gift, or fortunate discoveries by accident.

And so regardless of whether or not the astounding astronimcal genius of the Mayans, the Hopi, the Hindus and their Kali Yuga have sealed our fate for the future, is out of my hands and I will live this day to the fullest.