The Keynotes of Harmony

“He who lives in harmony with himself lives in harmony with the universe " ~ Marcus Aurelius

“This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.”   ~ The Dalai Lama

It still baffles me how on some days I can exhibit kindness, consideration, friendliness and an overall good will attitude for everyone be it my family and neighbors or the stranger in line and even the person trying to enter my lane of traffic. And other days, I am a sheer ogre. I would love to blame the latter on poor planetary influences, my hormonal conditions and especially, “them”, but whatever the reason, I used to be baffled as to why I seemed unable to maintain harmony, peace and serenity on an everyday basis. "I had it for the few moments I allowed myself to meditate! I had it here and there, like a lightning bug flickering off and on."

It is no longer a mystery, however, as, over the years, I have come to understand that when I am at peace with myself, practicing the daily disciplines on a regular basis, it is much easier for me to catch when Self is trying to reassert itself. My awareness is acute of my blind egocentricity and my total  inability to control my insatiable need to control.  Yep, I am powerless over my lack of Power ... ergo, ongoing power struggle. Add in the fact that I frequently forget the Power of the Pause as mentioned on the bottom of page 87 in the Big Book.

One of my favorite readings in AA literature comes from the 12 x 12. My sponsor had me read it every day for awhile and I practically had it memorized. It was a humbling passage because it was so true. It is on page 92.

“Finally, we begin to see that all people, including ourselves, are to some extent emotionally ill, as well as frequently wrong, and then we approach true tolerance and see what real love for our fellows actually means.”

It goes on to cite some amazingly accurate examples of how we interact with others and our attitudes towards them, finally concluding with this amazing summation:  

“Courtesy, kindness, justice, and love are the keynotes by which we may come into harmony with practically anybody. “

Now, why didn’t I think of that?  

If my “only aim is to be helpful”, if love and service are vital for enlarging my spiritual life, it is rather hard for me to assist anyone if I am busy being judge and jury on them or waving my scepter around as Empress of the Universe. In my attempts to play the Director, when my role is really Actor (someone who takes direction from the one running the Show), I suffer from a strange amnesia that I myself would like to be treated with those key notes as mentioned above. Maybe it sounds all Golden Rule -elementary, but if you think about it, really isn’t that why the "rule" has such a title? It is Gold because of its invaluable merit?

Also, working off the theory that when I am under self-propulsion and whole-heartedly invested in things working out the way “I” envision them, then I am bound to come into collision with others also operating under their own self-propulsion.

So how do I possess these mysterious "keys to harmony"? I have found that I am in a much better position to practice courtesy, kindness, justice and love when I :

A)  Remember where I came from

B)   Am coming from a place of gratitude and humility

C)   Not obsessed with self-importance or self-pity  

D)  Cleared of selfish attitudes and egocentric thinking
E)   Utilizing all the principles embodied in the transformational process of our Steps

My friend, Brad B. shared in a meeting once that practicing Steps 10 and 11  IS  actually taking Steps 6 & 7 every day. It was one of those "I could have had a V-8" moments. I love epiphanies!
Having my character defects that stand in the way of my usefulness to you (or “them”) removed is essential in order for me to be of any use or good to anyone at all. It is my key to the keynotes! 
What a beautiful harmony Realization and Perspective create! When I recognize who I am and where I belong and how I can carry the vision of my Higher Power’s will into all of my activities, I grasp how crucial they are if I desire to be kind.

The Dalai Lama is right, I believe. I don’t need a temple to practice a "religion" of kindness. The World is a temple and my heart and mind cleared of wrong thinking and wrong motives can serve others who are stumbling (hopefully forward) just as I am. If I am doing the best I can do today, then maybe they are, too.

I will end with this one last quote from the Twelve & Twelve in the discussion of the 11^th Step.

“The moment we catch even a glimpse of God's will, the moment we begin to see truth, justice, and love as the real and eternal things in life, we are no longer deeply disturbed by all the seeming evidence to the contrary that surrounds us in purely human affairs. “

Have a nice day!

Feelin’ the Love

"Then you will know what it means to give of yourself that others may survive and rediscover life. You will learn the full meaning of "Love thy neighbor as thyself."

Pg.153, Alcoholics Anonymous a.k.a. “The Big Book”

As Valentine’s Day approaches and love is the “hot” topic of discussion, I am reflecting on love and what does it all mean. People say “I love you” to one another all the time in meetings and outsiders may look at us askance at times. Of course, love is the absinthe of poets and romantics, and for those of us in recovery, can sometimes be Chapter One in a debacle of epic proportions. I mean who hasn’t heard a drunk launch into drama that begins with “See, there’s this girl (or guy)…” .

I am really wanting to look a little closer, however, at the different types of love, according to the distinctions of the Ancient Greeks which inspired author, C.S. Lewis, who wrote “The Four Loves”. Of course, Lewis was a much better writer than me, to say the least. So here they are:

• Storge refers to natural affection, like that felt by parents for offspring. This type refers almost exclusively to relationships within the family. It is also known to express mere acceptance or putting up with situations, much like our code in recovery of “Love and tolerance” for others.

• Philia means friendship or affectionate love. Developed by the philosopher, Aristotle, this concept includes loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality and familiarity. In ancient texts, philos denoted a general type of love, used for love between family, between friends, a desire or enjoyment of an activity, as well as, between lovers.

• Éros is passionate love, with sensual desire and longing. The word "erotas" means "intimate love;" however, eros does not have to be sexual in nature. Eros can be interpreted as a love for someone whom you love more than the philia, love of friendship. It can also apply to dating relationships as well as marriage. Plato refined his own definition: Although eros is initially felt for a person, with contemplation it becomes an appreciation of the beauty within that person, or even becomes appreciation of beauty itself. Plato does not talk of physical attraction as a necessary part of love, hence the use of the word platonic to mean, "without physical attraction." Another philosopher, Socrates stated that eros helps the soul recall knowledge of beauty, and contributes to an understanding of spiritual truth but that even sensually-based love aspires to the non-corporeal, spiritual plane of existence; that is, finding its truth, just like finding any truth, leads to transcendence.

• Agápe means unconditional love, as in general affection or deeper sense of "true love" rather than the attraction suggested by "eros". It can also be described as the feeling of being content or holding one in high regard. Agape was appropriated by Christians for use to express the self-sacrificing, unconditional love of God. Before agape love, there was no other word to express such great love.

The connection between love, in whatever form, and a higher plane of existence, or spiritual energy, is irrefutable.

Often you hear in the Fellowship the term, “Love and Service” used, which was the mantra of our co-founder, Dr. Bob. Robert Holbrook Smith, M.D. was a shining paragon of agape love, personally treating more than 5,000 alcoholics in his lifetime at St. Thomas Hospital in Akron. Our other co-founder of AA, Bill W., said that Dr. Bob’s “spiritual example was a powerful influence, and he never charged a cent for his medical care. So Dr. Bob became ‘the prince of all twelfth steppers.’ Perhaps nobody will ever do such a job again.”

Love is a verb, an action word, especially for those of us in recovery who depend upon love’s magic to survive. On page 14, in Bill’s story, he wrote that “Faith without works is dead. For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, (we) may not be able to meet the trials and low spots ahead. “

You so often encounter the erroneous and misconstrued slogan in meetings that this is a “selfish program”, when quite the contrary, it is anything but. Selfishness is the root of our troubles. Altruism is simply the lifeblood of, not only an integral part of the solution for the self-obsessed addict or alcoholic, but the basis for the continuance of the Fellowship. Our primary purpose - to stay sober and help other alcoholics achieve sobriety. Not for Ego, but because we are paying back in gratitude for the love and ready-acceptance shown to us and paying forward at the same time.

I am humbled when I read the many 12 Step Promises in our book including the fact that I have recovered and been given the power to help others. That according to page 124, “ the dark past is the greatest possession you have - they key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them.”

This is the kind of love that heals. It doesn’t seek something for itself, yet ironically, we receive from the giving. I see a sticker on many of my friends Big Books that uses the play on words of an allusion to tennis, but it is so true in our case – “Love wins.”

Everybody wins when we choose to love with our spirit, as unconditionally as is humanly possible.
It is the essence of the heart.